CW: suicide
I wrote this blog back in February when Shay’s passing was still raw, but saved it till now because we wanted the shoot to remain celebratory and euphoric as it was intended and made to be.
We decided to release some of the photographs as part of an exhibition at Shay’s ‘Love Centred Memorial Ceremony’ which took place on the 15th of March and was honestly the most beautiful thing. I was also honoured to have one of our portraits chosen by Shay’s closest friends to be the memorial photograph. In the words of Shay Squad “We showed up, we took care of each other, we connected as a community. We are love and warmth incarnate.”
Shay’s incredible memorial beautifully delivered by ‘love centred celebrant’ Joel Simpson
I’ve not changed any of what I wrote back in Feb and it’s a bit uncomfortable reading some of it back but also it’s really lovely how some of what I found with Shay was echoed and celebrated at the memorial; their light, their soul and how they lifted me up when I was there to lift them up!
SHAY (post written in February 2022, published in May 2022)
I didn’t know if I should post publicly about Shay but I don’t feel I can continue to write about and share People Like Us without acknowledging the devastating news of Shay’s suicide. I only met them in December 2021 when Cairo from the project introduced us, wanting to give Shay the photograph they never got to do when they graduated from University earlier in the year. We did a quick turnaround between speaking and shooting for the project as I felt there was a sense of urgency that the shoot needed to happen as soon as possible. This has been difficult to write and might be hard to look at if you knew Shay but I think it’s important that I put this out there for Shay and others like them and also to share what was a really positive experience for both of us.
Shay 2021 - The suit photos were Shay's favourite part of the shoot.
Looking at these photos of Shay makes me feel really sad and gutted. I expected to see much more of them this year and for them to be in many shoots to come, when I think about this day and look at their photos I can’t believe they have gone. The short time we had together was very meaningful and affirming to both of us, we really connected and lifted each other up, they were so positive and excited by the photos, full of compliments, their energy shining bright reflecting on me as they stood under the studio lights in all their glory. I know that in this moment Shay felt euphoric and seen and I’m glad we got to do this shoot and give them an authentic record of them-self for what it’s worth.
Shay 2021
The initial point of the shoot was for Shay to dress up in a suit and have their graduation photo taken because they didn’t go to their actual graduation in the summer due to feeling the pressure of wearing a dress and knowing they would be dead-named loudly and publicly (due to not having all the required documents ffs) and that being recorded; they couldn’t go as them-self.
It was actually the first time Shay had worn a suit and they bought this one especially for the shoot and don’t they look hot in it! They told me how they had never really worn masculine formal wear and always been “forced into a dress”.
“The shoot was really important to me because it was the first time I actually could see myself in a formal and professional way as well as coming into myself and progressing with my identity. It was my first time in a men's suit and I don't think I realised how important of a moment it would be for me.” Shay
We played with a few looks, they had a selection of different coloured plaid shirts ;) and loved the blue backdrop.
“I look fantastic and it's very affirming. I am truly grateful for working with you on this.” Shay
Shay in their infamous red Mx. beanie which they told me was a really good dysphoria killer.
In our last email Shay had asked for a quote from me, they told me how they were “really happy to be a part of the ‘Just Like Us’ gang :) and so glad Cairo introduced us.”
Here is some of what I sent back: “I found you to be really open and felt a connection between us during the shoot which was such a positive and fun session. I’m really glad I was able to document you in your chosen graduation outfit and give you a space to express yourself how you wanted to be seen. Thrilled with the photos – you’re a natural and we’ll defo work together again now you’re part of the gang!!”
It breaks my heart reading this back.
Shay you will always be part of the People Like Us community; “Just Like Us gang” and you will always be in my heart - rest in peace you beautiful soul.
I LOVE this photo, it was one of my favourites before and now it puts a lump in my throat but it’s how I will remember them, ready to fly.